If you’re a fan of Ken Jennings, the Jeopardy-made man, you’ve probably read on his website about his unending love for the show. However, he recently posted that:

You’re [Jeopardy] like the Dorian Gray of syndication. You seem to think “change” means replacing a blue polyethylene backdrop with a slightly different shade of blue polyethylene backdrop every presidential election or so.

and

Maybe when Art Fleming was alive, America just couldn’t get enough clues about “Botany” and “Ballet” and “The Renaissance,” but come on. Does every freaking category have to be some effete left-coast crap nobody’s heard of, like “Opera,” or, um, “U.S. History” or whatever?

This post was a parody in the form of a letter from an ex-lover. Quite funny really, because it isn’t entirely wrong. Unfortunately, someone took Ken seriously. Not just any someone, a media someone. A New York Post someone.

Okay, maybe the reporter was even in on it, or maybe he just thought he would extend the parody by reporting it as “reality.” Unfortunately, you know where I read it? The AP wire on Yahoo. Fortunately, the AP wire gets the joke, in the end.

But the thing with Melanie Martinez is just sad. She was canned from a children’s television show because seven or so years ago she made a couple of parody (there it is again) videos for a website called technicalvirgin.com (don’t bother going there, they’ll just tell you to go away). She was parodying abstinence public service announcements. One “promotes” anal sex. The other “promotes” vibrators. It wasn’t even porn!

“PBS Kids Sprout has determined that the dialogue in this video is inappropriate for her role as a preschool program host and may undermine her character’s credibility with our audience,” said Sandy Wax, network president.

I’m sorry, but, with all due respect to the people who run them, I seriously doubt 2 to 5 year olds are surfing YouTube or reading Boing Boing. Yes, I know the parents are the real audience but still, need I remind you, Melanie is an actor. You know, people who get paid a lot of money to play pretend?

Oh, and by the way, you say the dialog in the video is inappropriate for her role, blah, blah, as if those the videos were made contemporaneously with the kids show. They weren’t. Just because you can still see them on the Internet doesn’t mean they’re still relevant to who she is today, sevenish years later. And again, who cares? She’s an actor.

I wrote that. In fact I wrote a whole poem, rap-style, called “The Three Stooges of Land Development.” I wrote in back in 1987 or 1988, when the Renaissance Tower (you may know it as the “Darth Vader” building, but I used to say it looked like a Transformer) was rising from a hole in the ground and when ARCO was still a temporary facility. Tickets were probably more than twenty bucks even then, but the only event I ever saw there was a Yes concert during the Big Generator tour. I’ve never been in the new ARCO.

But the new ARCO isn’t so new anymore, and the debate rages on about building a new one. I think I probably still have some residual hard feelings from the first time we had the arena debate because I can’t get 100 percent behind a new one. On the other hand, I can’t bring myself to oppose it either.

Carl supports the concept of a new arena and at one point even offered his own plan for financing. Granted, he’s a rabid Kings fan.

And then today runnergirl posts at SacRag about just how inadequate ARCO is. She recalls an argument I’d seen in the papers (and I think on Arranging Matches) about the fact that the new arena would only be used a small number of times for Maloof-oriented entertainment. A new arena would attract even more business seminars, self-help seminars, and, apparently, hockey games and ice shows. It would function as an even better venue for all sorts of events, like concerts, than the one we have now. A new arena isn’t just about basketball.

I find that argument persuasive, and since I’m not entirely against public funds to build the arena, I say “build it.” As to where, I prefer the Natomas locations if only because a downtown arena would be a traffic nightmare in a city that doesn’t believe in public transportation. I’d still want to see an eventual arena light rail stop though. I can always hope we’d be able to get to NBA games Portland-style.

I also think that public money equals public ownership. If the taxpayers foot the bill, then the city gets to reap the rewards (such as they won’t be) and gets to have a say in ARCO’s operations along with the Maloofs and whatever other partners are involved.

Finally, I just don’t think the best arguments for building a new arena are economic. Arenas don’t pencil out. I think the best arguments are cultural. The Kings are a part of who we are as Sacramentans — for better or worse they, like many other sports teams outside of Los Angeles, help establish our metropolitan identity. And a better arena would help us to attract more musical acts, more sports events, more cultural events, more motivational speakers, more of the kinds of entertainment people want.

I’m not the first person to come up with the concept of a House drinking game. But, instead of just listing a bunch of items for which one must “take a drink,” I’ve decided to add some structure to the game and make it a little more competitive. My list of items for which one must take a drink is limited; I’ve tried to name items that could occur in multiple episodes. Obviously, the rules are open source.

The Rules:

Before the game, chose someone to be “House.” This person will be responsible for the bottle of drink (the “cane”). If the participants are drinking from bottles or cans, an unopened bottle or can will do for the cane.

After each commercial break, the cane passes to another player, who becomes House. If you are watching the show on DVD, pass the cane every 11 minutes (i.e. at 11:00, 22:00, and 33:00). The cane also passes to another player when House misses a diagnosis (see below).

House is responsible for watching the show (“the diagnosis”). The others are responsible for following House’s lead and for pointing out any mistakes (“the team”).

The player who is House must watch the show carefully and diagnose when members of the team take a drink (House does not drink).

If House is holding the bottle, House pours drinks for the team (hint, this is when House is most likely to miss a diagnosis).

If House misses a diagnosis, any member of the team may point it out and House must take a drink instead of the team. In addition, House must immediately pass the cane to another player.

No player may be House more than once unless all players have had at least one opportunity with the cane.

Drink when:

• House takes a Vicodin.
• Someone mentions vasculitis.
• House says “differential diagnosis.” Take two drinks if someone else says it.
• A patient has a seizure.
• Dr. Wilson is in the room working with the team. Two drinks if his presence has nothing to do with cancer.
• House is playing a hand-held video game.
• Someone makes a racial comment about or to Dr. Foreman. Two drinks if someone mentions Dr. Foreman’s grades or criminal record.
• A patient is diagnosed with an allergic reaction.
• Someone other than Drs. House, Wilson, Foreman, Cameron, or Chase goes in to (or out of) House’s office.
• Someone mentions the specialty of either Dr. Cameron (immunologist) or Dr. Chase (intensevist).

Bonus:

Any member of the team may call out when they recognize any reference to Sherlock Holmes, to other projects involving any of the actors (e.g. Blackadder), or when House speaks in a British accent. This also applies to supporting actors (for example, in the episode “Cursed,” the actor playing the child patient was in Spy Kids). Be prepared to defend your reference. If accepted, all other players, including House, take a drink.

The higher your number, the lower your slut value. For example, the search term uneasy rhetoric (no quotes) returns 13,833 results with safe search on and 14,800 with it off, leading to a somewhat misnamed “Promiscuity value” of 93.47 percent (higher numbers equal less slutty). Subtract the result from 100 and determine what percent of a slut your search is!

Pictures to follow.

Read the knowledgeable and thorough commentary and discover the results of our blind taste test. Pictures may or may not follow.

I heard this band, put together by a piper and a drummer and “newly expanded,” on Tartan Podcast a while ago and bought the EP “Salt and Soss” as soon as I could. I would recommend it to anyone who loves the bagpipes (actually, the piper plays several different kinds). Mostly I want people to buy it so they record more stuff.

Granted, I love the pipes and have since I was a kid. Explains a lot, probably. Certainly it explains why I seem to be stuck on Celtic flavored music.

Rogue’s Santa’s Private Reserve is a golden reddish-brown beer (which makes sense, it is a variant on the brewery’s red beer) with significant head that lasts and lasts and sticks to the glass. It has a pungent, earthy nose, probably from all of those hops.

Despite the scent, this is not an overly bitter or hoppy beer going down. The earthy smell carries into the taste, which suggests this beer might pair well with seafood. There is a distinct bitter and hoppy aftertaste but the beer is smooth drinking. The bottle says the beer has a “sprucy finish,” and that is very much the case.

I’m enjoying it right now with chips and salsa.

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Ar matey, what be ye drinkin’?

The list from best to worst:
Sierra Nevada Celebration
Pyramid Snow Cap
Deschutes Jubelale
Rogue, Santa’s Private Reserve
Anchor Christmas Ale
Bridgeport Ebenezer
Full Sail Wassail
He’Brew Jewbelale 5766
Redhook Winterhook

As you might expect, this beer is kosher. It is also not a winter beer in the same sense as the others on the list so far. It is a much darker, heavier beer.

The number 9 on the label refers not only to the prevalence of the number 9 in the Jewish faith (and in less “faith-oriented” Jewish items), but also the number of hops in the beer, the number of years the brewery has been around, and the percentage of alcohol. You will get smashed, but you will be kosher.

He’Brew is a very dark reddish-brown beer with mild carbonation and a moderate head that breaks up quickly. It has little smell to speak of.

Taste-wise, this straddles the line between a dark porter and a mild cream stout. Like darker beers like Deschutes Obsidian Stout or the Lucky Labrador’s Black Lab Stout, there is a hint of both coffee and chocolate (roasted malt flavor). But don’t expect this beer to be sweet. At nine percent alcohol, you can pretty much depend on some bitterness as well as a mild bitter aftertaste.

He’Brew isn’t bad, but I wouldn’t list it very high on my winter beers, and if I wanted a stout, I’d look elsewhere first. Frankly, I’m put off by the high alcohol content. This veers into barley wine territory. But it is more distinctive than the Winterhook. With nine different varieties of hops, it had better be.

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Whaddaya mean ya don’t like my beer?

The list from best to worst:
Sierra Nevada Celebration
Pyramid Snow Cap
Deschutes Jubelale
Anchor Christmas Ale
Bridgeport Ebenezer
Full Sail Wassail
He’Brew Jewbelale 5766
Redhook Winterhook

The beer is dark brown with mild carbonation. When poured, it develops a significant head compared to the other winters I’ve tried. The smell is, according to my notes “festive.” In other words, it smells like a Christmas party, complete with pine tree.

The “pine” smell carries over into the taste (or perhaps it is chamomile?), which is deep without being bitter. It is also spicy, but mildly so. Anchor does add spices and natural flavors to their beer, so this beer is more complex that ones that depend on various mixtures of hops. There is little aftertaste.

This is a smooth drinking beer with a surprising and uncharacteristic taste. I have been enjoying it thoroughly.

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The list from best to worst:
Sierra Nevada Celebration
Pyramid Snow Cap
Deschutes Jubelale
Anchor Christmas Ale
Bridgeport Ebenezer
Full Sail Wassail
Redhook Winterhook