Uneasy Rhetoric

Off topic, but I’m a big fan on the TV show House. I’ve yet to figure out why I am so into a show about a man who embodies pretty much every trait I hate in a supervisor — I could never work for the guy and I feel for the other doctors. Furthermore, I know they play a little loose with the medical facts, and the writing at times can go over the line into corny, but it is still one of the better shows on television.

I’m not the first person to come up with the concept of a House drinking game. But, instead of just listing a bunch of items for which one must “take a drink,” I’ve decided to add some structure to the game and make it a little more competitive. My list of items for which one must take a drink is limited; I’ve tried to name items that could occur in multiple episodes. Obviously, the rules are open source.

The Rules:

Before the game, chose someone to be “House.” This person will be responsible for the bottle of drink (the “cane”). If the participants are drinking from bottles or cans, an unopened bottle or can will do for the cane.

After each commercial break, the cane passes to another player, who becomes House. If you are watching the show on DVD, pass the cane every 11 minutes (i.e. at 11:00, 22:00, and 33:00). The cane also passes to another player when House misses a diagnosis (see below).

House is responsible for watching the show (”the diagnosis”). The others are responsible for following House’s lead and for pointing out any mistakes (”the team”).

The player who is House must watch the show carefully and diagnose when members of the team take a drink (House does not drink).

If House is holding the bottle, House pours drinks for the team (hint, this is when House is most likely to miss a diagnosis).

If House misses a diagnosis, any member of the team may point it out and House must take a drink instead of the team. In addition, House must immediately pass the cane to another player.

No player may be House more than once unless all players have had at least one opportunity with the cane.

Drink when:

• House takes a Vicodin.
• Someone mentions vasculitis.
• House says “differential diagnosis.” Take two drinks if someone else says it.
• A patient has a seizure.
• Dr. Wilson is in the room working with the team. Two drinks if his presence has nothing to do with cancer.
• House is playing a hand-held video game.
• Someone makes a racial comment about or to Dr. Foreman. Two drinks if someone mentions Dr. Foreman’s grades or criminal record.
• A patient is diagnosed with an allergic reaction.
• Someone other than Drs. House, Wilson, Foreman, Cameron, or Chase goes in to (or out of) House’s office.
• Someone mentions the specialty of either Dr. Cameron (immunologist) or Dr. Chase (intensevist).

Bonus:

Any member of the team may call out when they recognize any reference to Sherlock Holmes, to other projects involving any of the actors (e.g. Blackadder), or when House speaks in a British accent. This also applies to supporting actors (for example, in the episode “Cursed,” the actor playing the child patient was in Spy Kids). Be prepared to defend your reference. If accepted, all other players, including House, take a drink.